Honey Heist
Micro RPG. Balance your animal and Criminal Instincts.
It’s HoneyCon 2018 . You are about to undertake The Greatest Heist
the World Has Ever Seen. Two things:
One: You have a complex plan that requires precise planning.
Two: You are an actual bear.
Table of contents
Rules:
Stats
You have two stats: Bear and Criminal. Both Start at 3.
Use Bear to: maul stuff, run and climb, shrug off damage, scare
people, and generally do bear stuff.
Use Criminal to: do anything not directly related to being a bear.
Rolling Dice
When you do something risky, roll 1d6. If the result is $\leq$ the relevant stat, you succeed. If it’s over the stat, then you fail.
If you’re doing something related to your Species’s Special Skill or to your Role, roll 2d6 and take the lowest.
Changing States
Frustration: When the plan fails and you run into difficulty, move
one point from Criminal into Bear.
Greed: When the plan goes off without a hitch, move one point from
Bear into Criminal.
Flashback Scene: You can voluntarily move a point from Bear to Criminal by doing a flashback scene in which you and the other bears plan out the heist over coffee and cigarettes in the back room of a seedy bar.
Feed: You can voluntarily move one point from Criminal to Bear by
eating a load of honey.
The End
If your Criminal stat reaches 6, you are lured
into a life of crime and betray the party.
If your bear stat ever reaches 6, you flip out bear-style and lose it, presumably to be picked up by animal
control in half an hour or so.
Character Creation
Roll 3d6 for your Description, Role, and Species
| Descriptor | Species and Skill | Role |
|---|---|---|
| 1 - Rookie | 1 - Grizzly (Terrify) | 1 - Hacker |
| 2 - Washed-Up | 2 - Polar (Swim) | 2 - Muscle |
| 3 - Retired | 3 - Panda (Eat anything that looks like bamboo.) | 3 - Brains |
| 4 - Unhinged | 4 - Black (Climb) | 4 - Thief |
| 5 - Slick | 5 - Sun (Sense Honey) | 5 - Driver |
| 6 - Incompetent | 6 - Honey Badger (Carnage) | 6 - Face |
Name your bear, if you want. You’re not a talking bear, per se, but you can sort of mangle human speech through your bear mouth, maybe? (You can talk to each other, though.)
And finally, if you would like, you may optionally roll on the following table of fashions to determine your human disguise:
| Top | Bottom | Accessory |
|---|---|---|
| 1 - Mittens | 1 - Y Fronts | 1 - A badge that says HUMAN MAN |
| 2 - Crop Top | 2 - Jorts | 2 - Plastic Crown |
| 3 - Small Tie Dyed T-shirt | 3 - Knee-Length Skirt | 3 - Cowboy Hat |
| 4 - Tuxedo Jacket | 4 - Tight Denim Jeans | 4 - Tophat and Monocle |
| 5 - Ugly Sweater | 5 - Bell-bottoms | 5 - Blonde Wig |
| 6 - Tartan Cloak | 6 - Cargo Pants | 6 - Cool Shades |
| 7 - Trench Coat | 7 - Smart Trousers | 7 - Ski Mask |
| 8 - Roll Twice More | 8 - Roll Twice More | 8 - Roll Twice More |
Setting and Scenario
The GM rolls on these tables to set up the adventure.
| HoneyCon is being held in a... | |
|---|---|
| 1 - Creepy | 1 - Lakeside camp |
| 2 - Busy | 2 - Fishing Village |
| 3 - Run-down | 3 - Metropolis |
| 4 - Beautiful | 4 - Convention Center |
| 5 - Dangerous | 5 - Truck Convoy |
| 6 - Lavish | 6 - Wilderness Retreat |
| Aside from loads of honey, the prize is… |
|---|
| 1 - Ultra-dense mega-honey from especially posh bees |
| 2 - A briefcase of pure Manuka extract worth over $5 million |
| 3 - The Queen of All Bees, Once Exiled, Now Returned |
| 4 - Black Orchid Honey, which turns anyone who eats it into a goth |
| 5 - Abraham Lincoln’s beehive, thought to be haunted by his ghost |
| 6 - Miss Universe 2018, an especially attractive bee |
| The convention’s prizes are protected by… (roll twice) | |
|---|---|
| 1 - Creepy | 4 - Lakeside camp |
| 2 - Busy | 5 - Fishing Village |
| 3 - Run-down | 6 - Metropolis |
| You know that the convention organizer is… | |
|---|---|
| 1 - Cunning and Sly | 4 - Greedy and Wicked |
| 2 - Clueless and exploitable | 5 - Maybe too obsessed with honey |
| 3 - A spoiled trust fund kid | 6 - Ruthless and corrupt |
| But little do you know… | |
|---|---|
| 1 - This place is rigged to blow! | 4 - The cops are en route! |
| 2 - Look – a rival team of bears! | 5 - They’ve been set up! |
| 3 - The prize is a fake! | 6 - The bees are angry! |